Memoir Writing With A Partner

Steps to Writing a Memoir

1. Start with whatever your partner can do. It can be a recorded or written list or a spoken dialogue about his or her life. If your partner cannot start, you might offer a list of key events and ask for feedback, thoughts, and reactions about these or inquire about how friends and family were affected by these events.
2. Develop a list of questions on a specific topic coming from multiple angles and ask about one or two each time you meet.
3. Listen and write everything down. You may not think something your partner says is significant, but months later you will see why it matters.
4. Let your partner repeat stories, and view this as a chance to get new details and better words.
5. Tell others about the effort. Many of our friends and relatives sent photos or came to visit and told Mom stories. Some of this material made its way into the book. Some triggered memories, which was also wonderful for all of us.
6. Have your partner answer three overarching questions, appropriate to the time, and weave these into the book. These can differ based on your interests and the interests of your partner and family, friends, or business associates. I asked my mother what was her experience of the moment, what was the family dynamic in her judgment now, looking back, and how did the economy back then impact her.
7. Buy books, music, and videos of the places and times to trigger memories. Mom would look at these on her own and write down a memory or thought that these brought to mind. Many of these comments were incorporated into the text. As part of the research I also reached out to local historical societies, and went on Ebay looking for relevant items, old postcards, programs, etc. Also, reviewing the materials provided hours of fun for her while I was not there.
8. Read, reread, and discuss the draft text. Again, this provided many enjoyable hours for Mom when she was otherwise alone. Often I asked her to focus on a theme or a person and spend the next few days writing down whatever came to mind.
9. Always work with whatever your partner’s natural tendency is. Nail it down and then push for the opposite. My mother was very factual; almost matter of fact and devoid of emotion. I captured that, and then pushed to find the little details that hinted at the emotions, which began slowly but surely to release the flood of feelings!
10. Have a professional editor go over the manuscript for typos, grammar, and punctuation and also to edit out any redundancies.

“How to Write a Memoir with a Partner” is by Deborah Prutzman, co-author of Addie of the Flint Hills: A Prairie Child During the Depression (1915-1935).